I am stunned that I even have to write this, this CAN'T be my life but apparently it is.
A week ago I found out I was pregnant and much happiness ensued. What an unimaginable gift! I took a test every day and my tests were getting darker and then I had numbers drawn and everything was doubling and as it should be. Obviously I did not begin to paint a nursery or anything because we all know how pregnancy goes in this household- the one glorious exception being our little miracle sleeping down the hall right now in her Dora jammies.
Because I am "high risk" I get to have frequent ultrasounds and my first one was yesterday. These are the important things we learned from the ultrasound: 1) There is no pregnancy in my uterus or anywhere else they looked. It's almost definitely ectopic and they suspect it is on my liver. 2) While they were looking for the pregnancy they found two tumors- one on my uterus and one on my rectum. One is larger than an apple and one is the size of a golf ball. Maybe they are fibroids but they do not quite match the vascular profile of a fibroid so we don't know anything yet. When they do surgery to remove these it is likely that I will have to have a hysterectomy.
So... shit!! I don't even know what to say about this. It might be nothing but everyone seems so worried and I have a referral to an oncologist which seems so ominous. My stupid, stupid girly parts! What kind of shit are they trying to pull now! The first worry to deal with is the ectopic because it can rupture at any time and you can bleed out quickly. The doctor here wanted to give me a shot that would kill the pregnancy but I begged for 2 days to get a second opinion. I probably will do the shot tomorrow if the second opinion is the same. After the pregnancy is resolved then we deal with the tumors, or masses, or irregularities, depending on who you talk to! I will keep you updated as we find out what is going on! But... BUNNY PANTS!! I am scared and upset. My mom is staying with us to take care of Lauren, and I am on bedrest because of the probable ectopic. Tomorrow at this time we might know more. So... that's all I know now!
20 comments:
I feel compelled to comment, but have no idea what to say. I think this absolutely and totally sucks. I think life is totally unfair. You DO NOT deserve this shit. I am a little (lot) pissed off at the universe for this.
You know how to reach me. And also when to say "now" for my next visit out there. You are my dear friend and I want to help any way that I can.
Hugs!
-Zeeks
I sit here with my fingers hovering over the keyboard and no idea what to type. I echo the words and sentiments of Zeeks, and send you much love...and hope...for only the best possibly outcome. Thinking about you and knowing you WILL get through this.
*hugs*
Damn, damn, damn, damn ,damn...this isn't fair. It's just not fucking fair! Gah...I just want to scream at the universe and beat something into a pulp. I am praying hard for you Jenn.
Oh Jenn, what bitter news. I will be keeping you in my thoughts. We have never met, but I have enjoyed your blog for years - you are much too fantastic a person to be dealt such a lousy hand. Hopefully you will receive good news on all fronts. Please keep us posted.
Yuckiest. Blog post. Ever. Glad your mom is there to help you. I am hoping for good answers to your hard questions, a quick, painless recovery, and lady parts that behave.
My heart (and liver) go out to you...
Oh Jenn I'm sorry! I hate pregnancy. Do you want to start a club, the "We are good people, so why do crack whores have healthy babies and we don't?" club?
I hope the second opinion proves the first opinion wrong. I hope your girly parts are fine and get to stay intact. If you need to talk you know how to reach me.
damn. I am a complete stranger and I feel the need to tell you that I am praying for you. This shit sucks.
what rocket queen said.
Holy moly...i have no idea what to say, but I'm hoping for the best and that no hysterectomy is needed.
I'm here to chime in--with rocket queen and niobe.
Thinking of you and hoping for no more bad news.
I'm another stranger, here from the LFCA, holding you in my prayers and hoping for the best possible news out of this awful situation.
Here from Lost and Found. Sending positive thoughts and prayers.
Oh that really, really sucks. And those words don't seem adequate for the suckage.
Hey Jenn, don't know if you know what LFCA is but Mel (at Stirrup Queens) hosts it and LFCA stands for Lost and Found and Connections Abound. You are listed under Miscellaneous Support
What the WHAT?
Wow, this is a most unpleasant surprise.
I'll be thinking of you and watching this space . . .
Spending my time praying and sending love and light. So sorry to hear it.
Visiting from Dragon Lair's blog, my best prayers to you, wishing for the best for you and your family.
*Here from Kristin's blog*
Sending you lots of love. I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking about you and sending out many prayers.
*HUGS*
Visiting from Kristin's blog. WOW, what a horrible sequence of events you're going through. SO glad your mom is able to be there to help care for your little one. Will keep you in my prayers!
What a turn of events! I am so sorry!
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